Over a decade ago, my life was completely different. I was involved in the drugs scene in London and had fully embraced a criminal lifestyle. At the time, I saw it as a means of earning a living and felt there were no viable alternatives to the path that lay in front of me. I had a drugs habit, sold drugs and was indifferent to the consequences of my actions. In retrospect, my worldview was flawed, immature for my years and I lacked much in terms of having a moral compass. My attitude was negative, one of contempt for the law and that contempt was fashioned out of my negative encounters with it. I saw the law as a tool used by the powerful to oppress the poor and socially marginalised.

Leaving school without any formal qualifications and other personal factors such depression, a lack of ambition or belief in my own abilities resulted in low expectations. Growing up in poverty on a council estate in London, I was accustomed to ‘looking after’ myself from an early age. I found school boring and constraining and, having already learnt to read and write, I wrongly believed these were the only skills that mattered. By the time of my father's sudden and unexpected death in a road accident at the age of 53, I had become disillusioned with life. Although I was not particularly close to my parents, mainly because they disapproved of my anti-social behaviour, losing my dad at the age of 17 was a big deal for me. It meant that there was nobody to keep me in check and I promptly left home ‘officially’. However, the chances of securing meaningful and gainful employment were low, even though I had experience of working in low-paid manual jobs with few, if any, future prospects. To me, they all represented a dead-end.

On the other hand, dealing in illegal drugs paid immediate benefits, despite the obvious risks involved. Motivated by greed and the potential material rewards involved, I prioritised making large sums of money over everything else in my life, including my wife and daughter. The desire to provide for the day-to-day needs of my young family was intense and I was determined to achieve it at any cost and by any means available to me.