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Chap. XIX

from The Histories of Some of the Penitents in the Magdalen-House, as Supposed to be related by Themselves (1760)

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Summary

What have we gain'd by this one minute more?

Only to wish another, and another;

A longer struggling with the pangs of death.

Oh! Those that do not know what parting is,

Can never learn to die.—

Otway.

Ipassed some months in this state of suspense, suffering much, and fearing more; but was at last cleared of all my doubts, by a visit from one of Mr. Senwill's friends, deputed by him with a message, which he could neither write nor speak to me himself.

This gentleman acquainted me, that about two years before, a match had been negotiated between Mr. Senwill and a young Lady of large fortune, whose person and disposition were perfectly amiable; and her regard for Mr. Senwill so visible, tho’ veiled under great natural modesty, that every body expected it should much endear her to him. In consequence of this disposition in his favour, her father had proposed the match, tho’ her fortune was superior to what Mr. Senwill could possibly expect. His father had been greatly pleased with it, and accepted it readily, not supposing it possible his son should be averse to an union with a woman so infinitely desirable.

The young gentleman was sent for down, and told, that every thing was agreed upon; his father having often heard him speak of her with the greatest esteem, and having some time before fansied he saw a partiality in him towards her. And thus far he judged rightly; while Mr. Senwill had no other attachment, he liked no one so well; but tho’ she had pleased his reason, she had not enslaved his fancy, which was reserved for one less deserving.

He received his father's summons after his passion for me commenced, tho’ he had then no expectation of meeting with a return, or any thought of declaring it; with-held by a sense of honour, while he looked on my affections as the property of his friend. But yet he could not think of marrying another woman; especially one who, he was conscious, deserved the whole possession of a heart, which he had not to dispose of.

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Publisher: Pickering & Chatto
First published in: 2014

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