The agitation of my mind at length exhausted my spirits; and, like children, I cried myself to sleep, on a sofa where I had laid me down, without expecting any such interruption of my sorrows; for I cannot call it a refreshment; having, after about two hours rest, waked only with greater power to grieve. Nature had gathered strength by that little cessation, and lavished it, like an unthrifty fool, as soon as obtained.

In this condition I passed three days, alternately a prey to despair, to rage, and grief: But by the fourth, my body was grown so weak, with the agonies of my mind, and want of food (for I had not been able to eat any thing), that a languor seized me, which not only affected my outward frame, but deadened my mental faculties. This was a real relief; tho’ my melancholy was extreme, yet by this means it became quiet, and I was less violently afflicted for knowing better why I was so.

I looked on my ruin as irretrievable: Tho’ I could not accuse myself of want of chastity, yet I was not free from just cause of self-reproach. I now saw that I had been as regardless of my happiness as of my duty to my father, when I had been prevailed upon to transact an affair of so much importance without his advice; and that it was great imprudence to suppose I could receive any detriment from the person, who, of all the world, must naturally be most anxious for my welfare.

When I first married, I wrote a letter to my father, requesting his pardon, and telling him, that in a short time I hoped to appear less criminal in his eyes.

To this I received no answer; but comforted myself in thinking that my great exaltation would procure my forgiveness.