Dear Abbe,
I am beside myself with grief and anxiety. My darling Winkel-Zeiss WWII Military Field Hospital Microscope with its three non-coated, achromatic lenses, anodized aluminium stage, vertically disposed focus adjustment (terminated by an attractive knurled knob), and handsome wooden carrying case has been kidnapped! At first I thought some uncaring oaf had borrowed it to show off at a class, but then I received a phone call wherein the voice demanded several thousands of dollars and your autograph on a genuine reprint of “Uber die Grensen der geometrischen Optik”! Please help me!
Tormented in Tours
Dear Tormented,
I also am beside myself (and I’m looking very dapper if I do say so myself)! It is unconceivable that someone would want money and a reprint of one of my favorite published papers! The autographed paper alone would be more than some paltry thousands of euros. Such insolence. I can certainly produce a properly aged reprint with the required inking, but if you give in to this Feige Halunke, he will just demand more or offer it up on e-bay. No, you must focus on sanity while I contact some of Madam Dikroic’s unsavory colleagues who will delight in “negotiating” a return of this treasure. It may require some cleaning of the aluminium stage and adjusting of that knurled knob afterwards but what’s a bit of blood between contracted friends?
If you ever have had a microscope lifted from your lab, you can appreciate expert advice from a super-sleuth. Herr Abbe can put you in contact with the best. Send your request to his faithful assistant jpshield@uga.edu.
