Dear Abbe,
I need to remove panels on a table-top SEM. Have you ever done this? I want to have the turbo molecular pump serviced.
Needing Access in Asilomar
Dear Needy,
Finally! A practical question with a practical answer. I prefer to break out my DEWALT 4½″, Heavy-Duty, Small-Angle Grinder with a 7.0 Amp AC/DC, 11000 RPM motor, low-profile jam-pot gear case, and 2-position removable side handle, which provides increased comfort and control. The sparks it throws off while tearing through the enamel metal side plates is a delight to behold for young and old alike! Of course, if you are trying to hold down costs on maintenance equipment, you can always use a claw hammer or hacksaw. If you are unsure and wish to employ professionals, then do what I did once. I called the fire department and claimed my Supreme Champion Brown Classic Tabby Maine cat had become entrapped and they promptly removed it with the “jaws of life.” Imagine my surprise when my precious was not in the SEM!
Dear Abbe,
I need advice on dismantling a Reichert 2800 cryostat. I cannot remove the handle. I've tried a hex wrench, but I can't get it to budge. Is there a magic alignment? Thanks for any help.
Beth in Athens GA
Dear Beth,
I applaud you for your adroit perception of the need for alignment. However, you should know by now that I only rely on empirical, scientific methods, not “magic”! Madam Dichroic suggests waiting for Neptune to be descendent on the fourth house of Saturn in the locked position. Then, once alignment has occurred, I would suggest securing the handle by way of titanium-reinforced, carbon fiber straps and hooking them to the harnesses of a dozen Siberian Malamutes. Then release a terrified rabbit directly in front of the lead dog. Experiments I performed with Johann von Zimmerman in Chemnitz, Germany, showed that a similar team of dogs can generate a force equal to 7.457 10*12 ergs/sec. (roughly 1,000 horsepower), which capably removed a similarly stuck flywheel from a 1896 Phoenix engine. Gottlieb Daimler was so pleased he had a case of Sekt sent over to the lab to show his appreciation. We gave some of this to the rabbit, which seemed to calm his nerves considerably.
If you need something unstuck, let Herr Abbe suggest a solution. All his correspondence is answered through his faithful human assistant at jpshields@uga.edu.
