This letter, clearly not intended for delivery to its purported recipient, is reconstructed from fragments of parchment recently discovered in the mountains of the northern Sinai. We have also provided editorial annotations. Despite clear anachronisms in the text that may point to a modern forgery, some scholars believe that it does contain an historical kernel. It has thus provoked renewed and acrimonious debate between the so-called minimalist and maximalist historians. Meanwhile, the team of archeologists who successfully recovered wood from Noah's ark on Mt Ararat have begun excavation at the site of the letter's discovery.
Look, I know you're still pissed – you died pissed, for heavens' sake – but really, I'm sorry. It got out of hand with the leprosy business. I didn't mean it to go that far, but you know how it is with the Big Dog sometimes. Things get out of control.
But you do realize of course that things couldn't go on as they were. It's true, we'd always been close, and I want you to know I do appreciate that. I mean, you took care of me from the time I was born. And then when things got really rough, you saved him from that crazy Pharaoh. (Who'd be so stupid as to try population control by killing the boys, anyway?) Plus you got Mom a job with the princess and all.
But really, that dumb story about his name, give me a break, Mir – drawn out of the water.