Darling, I know you've had a bad day in the office

and you need some comfort

but I burned the breakfast again this morning

and the triplets need constant feeding –

they are like little fires. And the rabbit …

the rabbit topped himself but not before

eating the babies and the mother stared at me

as if I was the one who did it!

Everywhere there is the stink of babies and it's a good job

I can't smell my fingers as they've been wrapped

in those marigolds for weeks.

The mother-in-law has been. She didn't stay,

just placed a tulsi plant on the doorstep

with a note saying she had high hopes of it

warding off those poisonous insects.

That estate agent arrived for the purposes of the valuation.

He dandled the babies on his lap and placed his index finger

on my bottom lip. There's some paperwork somewhere.

As for dinner, well that's ruined. Those chillies you sent for

from Manipur? The juice from the curry bored a hole

in the kitchen tiles and I've had to move the pot to the stump

at the bottom of the garden, next to the dock-leaves;

it was a short trip but it was good to get some air.

We need to keep reminding ourselves that when it rains

it is not catastrophic it is just raining.

The lady radio announcer has addressed me on several occasions,

– did you know orangutans are running out of habitat

and we don't have much time?

I've become quite adept at handling the eccentric oranges,

those root vegetables need sweating out … but it's difficult

to concentrate when that sodding bunny blames me

though how could I have done it when all morning

I've been next to the stove stirring the damn pot?

The salsify is eye-balling me, it's lying on top

of that magazine article – Bored with the same old winter veg?

Give salsify a go. We promise, you'll never look back.