Perhaps there is no act more endearing than a partner's attempt to diligently, over time, get to know you and use that knowledge toward the enhancement of the relationship. This activity of questing to know another makes that other feel special, treasured, and cared about. Unfortunately, many of us may live out our lives having few if any experiences with others who made us feel this way. The most transcending thesis of this book is that minding offers just such experiences.

Thus, at the heart of the minding process is the quest to know one's partner. At the outset of dating or casual relating, people seek this knowledge about one another for the purpose of determining how close they want to become to new acquaintances, or to gauge whether there is a possibility that they might eventually have the basis for a commitment. When a relationship involves minding, both partners continue to share this quest beyond the initial information gathering; they pursue it vigorously past the point of commitment and throughout the entire span of the relationship.

In this chapter, we discuss why this knowing activity is a key part of minding and how it is carried out.