The subject of this chapter is the dust-covered work of a now-forgotten dramatist: Der Hypochondrist (The hypochondriac, 1745) by Theodor Johann Quistorp (1722–76). In thematizing hypochondria, this comedy places itself squarely at the crossroads of medical, literary, and popular discourse on this “fashionable” eighteenth-century ailment. Quistorp's text is significant, however, in that it articulates hypochondria both as a means of resisting the sentimental marriage or, indeed, marriage in general, and as a mask for male same-sex desire, a textual strategy that has not been recognized in critical opinion on this comedy up until now. This chapter first establishes this textual strategy then goes on to examine the innovative way in which this text constructs the concept of hypochondria as same-sex desire by reading it against the background of contemporary medical discourse on the ailment and its relationship to sexual behavior. Next, this comedy's contribution to eighteenth-century conceptions of male same-sex desire and masculinity is examined, for the text is constructing a closet of sorts by placing male-male desire in opposition to normative marriage. Also, by gendering hypochondria and, by extension, male same-sex desire as feminine, the text seems to be banning same-sex desire from the sphere of normative masculinity. Finally, the significance of genre is investigated, for this text is not by accident a satirical comedy; as such, it makes use of laughter as a disciplinary mechanism to enforce a normative vision of sexual behavior and masculinity.