􀂆 My Illness [1]

It came out of the blue. I never thought I’d join theranks of cancer sufferers, but here I am a year andnine months on. How quickly that has gone. Lookingback on that time the days have gone by without myreally being aware of what has been happening. I’vebeen reading and looking on the internet and Ishould be clear in my own mind about my conditionbut, how can I put it, I may still be in denial thatit's actually happening to me. I can't shake offthis idea that it's happening to someone else. I’vebeen living as though my illness, my doctors and themedication have nothing to do with me and the imageof me as the patient, as someone undergoing therapy,is blurred.

I wonder if I have benefited from getting ill, for tobe ill is to have understood the world of moderntherapy. Of course, I know that what I see is only atiny part, but it's still intriguing! I also learntthat cancer is being researched worldwide, with itsown special place in medical study, and every kindof resource being applied to it. I’ve pretty muchcome to the point where if that's what had tohappen, and it's cancer, that's where one is.

(Kyoto Liver Cancer Friends Group News, 70)

􀂆 My Illness [2]

A year and nine months has gone by since January 2011and my operation for liver cancer. I wasn't told howmuch longer I had to live but I was very aware fromseeing the large size of the cancerous tumour andtwōthirds of it having been removed, and quietlylooking at the life-expectancy graph, that I was onits steep downward slope. It's odd that my thoughtat the time was that I would be able to see in2013's New Year.