As a very small child, she was already different from the others. She seemed healthy and blossoming—had the full, round cheeks of a child, too. But her young body often experienced convulsions for very minor, almost unnoticeable reasons, followed by digestion problems and severe cramps in her abdomen. Someone would then put her to bed and she would dream.

For her, being sick and lying in bed was the epitome of comfort.

Then, she would stare into space, imagining she was lying in a glass coffin that floated far into the open sea where there was nothing to see but her, the distant clouds and never-ending waters.

This favorite image of her childhood fantasy was characteristic of her nature: herself motionless, dreamily departing from the smallest room out into infinity. Already in this image, the fruit of a mind barely three years old, lay the seed for her entire future becoming.

She remained listless and liked to dream. She detested laughing, skipping, and making noise. No one had seen her laugh until she was twelve. Much less skip or run. She was happiest crouching in a corner or with her hands clasped, wrapped around her knees, while her wide pupils stared aimlessly into the distance.

Later there came a time of unrest, fever, discomfort without reason, out of which the woman is to emerge from the child.

It was then that the first smile was wrung from her closed lips, and with pain, shivers, and pride, she felt herself outgrowing the child, girl, woman.

That was her first joy. Something that united her with others, made them equal.

For the girls whispered to each other, blushing: “Have you already?—hmm?—you understand—???”

And those who were still children were seen as something disdainful! But there was radiance in the others’ eyes, and suddenly, overnight a pride in their demeanor, like in a flower that is about to bloom.

Once when Tatjana came to class, she, who was always early in order to disappear and hide quietly behind her desk, was late.

Almost all of her classmates were already there and looked with surprise at Tatjana’s almost transparent face, her eyes glistening feverishly.