A great deal has been written about the tendency of men and women to clash in their conversations due to fundamentally different ways of talking. Easily the most important of these writings are Deborah Tannen's That's not what I meant! and You just don't understand. These books offer insight and, potentially, relief to couples who are failing in their efforts to understand each other.

I do wonder, however, if such books leave us with an impression that the world ??? certainly the marital world ??? would be better off if men and women had the same speaking style. This impression would seem to follow from the central premise. If members of the sexes have different ways of speaking, and this gets them into trouble, why not work out a single way of speaking ??? one that puts everyone on the same wavelength? Perhaps it would be best if men and women inhabited the same planet, one that lies halfway between Venus and Mars.