Published: Pioneer, 10 April 1888; Pioneer Mail, 11 April 1888; CMG, 12 April 1888; The Week's News, 14 April 1888.

Attribution: In Scrapbook 4 (28/4, p. 44).

Text: Pioneer.

Notes: Making fun of the self-important style of the Bombay Times of India and the administration that it served was a regular amusement for the CMG.

‘The “Kingdom” of Bombay’ has been reprinted in the Martindell–Ballard pamphlets and in Harbord, iv, 2013–17.

They met with one accord and a simultaneous gasp on the Central Indian plateau: each one carried gingerly and at arm's length a cutting from the Times of India. Together they cried:– “Have you seen this?” And a second time:– “Have you seen this?”

Bengal was voted into the chair. And the Punjab supported, but the Punjab was hot-headed. “There's only one course open to us,” he said buckling on his sword. “We must court-martial him.” “Better send a set of resolutions,” said Bengal. “I don't think resolutions would touch the peculiar mental condition of my esteemed neighbour,” said Madras dreamily. “Prod him with a pen,” grunted the North-West savagely. “At any rate, get him up here and ask him what in the world or out of it he means by it.”

So they made a long arm and picked Bombay out of his office, the cotton-waste in his hair, by the slack of his ducks, and set him down on the table with a thump. “What's that for?” said Bombay sulkily, for Bombay is quick to think his dignity scratched.