Aggressive and self-destructive children exhibit a long list of behaviors that severely challenge parents and educators: provocations, angry outbursts, risky and self-destructive acts, violence against others, self, and property, school drop-out, truancy, sexual promiscuousness, drug abuse, lies, thefts, and blackmail are some of the behaviors that baffle and shake even the most patient and loving caretakers. Parents commonly feel that their attempts to change the child's behavior, even those that are warmly recommended by professionals, misfire and seem actually to make matters worse. In their confusion, parents may waver between giving in and fighting back, both of which lead to further escalation. Under these conditions, the home, which should be a safe haven for the whole family, comes to resemble a battlefield. Even the smallest disagreement risks flaring up into a major eruption.

Understanding the process of escalation turns out to be one of the keys for coping with such situations. We distinguish between two varieties of escalation: (1) “reciprocal escalation,” in which the child's and the parents' angry acts feed each other in a vicious cycle, and (2) “complementary escalation,” in which the child's threats lead to parental giving in, which in turn increases the child's demands and threats, and so forth. To make things worse, the two kinds of escalation are mutually enhancing, so that the more the parents give in, the more frustrated and angry they get, thus coming closer and closer to an uncontrollable outburst.