Introduction: children's unmet need for bereavement support

By reframing children's grief reactions to parental conflict and separation within the term bereavement, my aim in this chapter is to suggest some ways by which to embed the Caplanian method of crisis intervention as part of a broader policy shift towards early preventive intervention. In this context one should remember that half of all mental illness starts before the age of 15. But first to recap some points from Part II.

In Chapter Five we have seen evidence from children themselves which showed how, in these circumstances, many felt temporarily overwhelmed, alone and marginalised. Some had witnessed traumatic domestic violence. Their reactions suggested that they were, in effect, experiencing a form of bereavement, although this may not have been recognised by adults with whom they were in daily contact.

A death in the family is a single life-changing event which during the grieving process normally evokes sympathetic support from concerned others. But as pointed out in Chapter Six, the response of outsiders to what is often defined as ‘private’ conflict between parents, particularly if it leads to a protracted acrimonious family breakdown or family separation, is usually altogether more complex and ambivalent. While the parents may well receive partisan support from friends, relatives and professionals, youngsters may feel overlooked while they struggle with conflicting loyalties and their own anxieties about their future. Moreover, the impact on their education and the way they manage their family and social life can be profound and have long-lasting consequences. Living through a stressful family atmosphere or strained and conflicted family relationships, they have the complex psychosocial task of coming to terms with and adapting to it. Therefore, a form of grieving for what has been lost and coping with uncertainty about what is to come lies at the heart of this critical process of family change.

We have seen how at such times children (and of course their parents) can be especially vulnerable. We know from researches reviewed in Chapter Three, and now confirmed by a more recent review for the Early Intervention Foundation, that many are at significant risk of developing longer-term behavioural, social and mental disorders.