Introduction

The range of public stories which circulate about intimate relationships, including lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans (LGBT+) lives, as well as sexual abuse, has a profound impact on the ways in which individuals and couples make sense of their own experiences, behaviours and expectations in their relationships (Jackson, 1993; Jamieson, 1998). Current generations of older lesbians have experienced profound social changes over the course of their lives. Many were actively involved (Giddens, 1992), bearing witness to the transformation of understandings of ageing and sexuality. Despite such social shifts, ageism, heterosexism and sexism impact on their lives in various and complex ways, frequently rendering older lesbians invisible culturally and socially (Traies, 2012). Thus, older lesbians experience a tricky paradox, in that they live in an increasingly sexualised society, and a moment when in many ways it might be easier to be lesbian. Yet, they also live in a society that views their sexuality as unnatural, distasteful or a joke. In addition, as older members of the LGBT+ ‘community’ – arguably a commercialised, youth-orientated community – many older lesbians feel marginalised by the assumptions and privileging of heterosexual norms and values (Duggan's (2002) ‘homonormativity’). What does this mean for women who experience sexual abuse within their relationships? What spaces are open to them to share and understand their experiences, to seek solace and support? This is a significantly under-researched area, with very little focusing specifically on the experiences of older lesbians. This chapter begins to fill in some of those gaps. Based on interviews from research into community responses to lesbian domestic violence, and data from a survey, and follow-up interviews, into LGBT+ lives in north-west England, I argue that cultural stereotypes of women, sexuality and age have a significant impact on who gets to tell their sexual story (Plummer, 1995). Women's sense of inclusion/exclusion in relation to LGBT+ communities (if indeed it is salient to talk about communities) and wider society has a profound effect on their ability to both come out and ‘come out’ about sexual abuse. Thus, the violence and abuse older lesbians experience, I argue, is not sufficiently recognised and acknowledged either by professionals, or often the women themselves, as a direct result of hegemonic understandings of gender, sexuality, age and sexual violence.