Adult Heterosexuality

In the previous chapter, we have seen that before marriage most young people limit themselves to tuning and romance. Before moving on to think about the next stage, that of adult heterosexuality, we need to take a detour into a very specifically south Asian set of issues. Here, we begin with the fact that there is a large body of literature in anthropology and psychology referring to ‘semen-loss anxiety’, a generalized anxiety commonly found among south Asian men and focused around the deleterious effects to health of losing semen, a substance which, when conserved, contributes to physical well-being and strength. This anxiety has been widely taken (by psychology and anthropology alike) as a coded way of speaking about sexual anxieties, and as the central plank of evidence of a pathological fear among south Asian men of mature women and of male reluctance towards sexual activity. We have shown elsewhere at length that ‘semen loss anxiety’ is not necessarily related to sexuality. We also show that it needs to be, as it has not been, clearly differentiated from a separate anxiety, which specifically does refers to sexual performance—‘first night’ apprehensions—young men's anxieties about the wedding night. At the same time, cultural discourses that warn against sexual outlets must be set against those discourses that seek or approve sexual activity, and against the actual practices of young men and women, which often do not coincide with ‘official versions’ counselling and lauding total continence and virginity till marriage.