In Chapter Four, we looked at the first part of how to think about happiness differently. According to the understanding strategy, the mindset of happiness is one of uncertainty and possibility rather than certainty and predictability. Trying to control everything in our lives requires us to narrow our vision and live in our problem-solving bubbles. In contrast, trying to understand ourselves, others, and our environment requires us to be humble, widen our perspective and pay attention to what we don't know.

In this chapter we will look at how we can use this mindset to switch our focus from control to understanding. This is the second part of how to think about happiness differently – the process of happiness. We will explore the idea we presented at the end of the previous chapter: what if, in any given moment or in any given situation, we could embrace uncertainty and benefit from paying attention to what we don't know? This is the process of curiosity.

We will see that, from being curious about our lives, we can open ourselves up to experiences of beauty and gratitude. We can also respond with greater flexibility to the challenges we face, less stuck in our habitual ways of seeing the world. With these inner resources, instead of having fixed ideas about our ‘authentic’ self and adhering to our limited personal narratives, we can continue to discover what we most care about and are truly capable of.

This process does not eliminate the strategy of control completely. We will often need to act on what we already know – the benefits of embracing uncertainty can be outweighed simply by the need to get stuff done. However, the limits of trying to control our circumstances will eventually become apparent again, and we will need to resort back to curiosity, exploration and understanding. This negotiation between understanding and control is one that never ends.

The process of curiosity described in this chapter is how we can achieve both breadth and depth within our lives. First, from being curious towards our lives we can better understand our whole selves, in all our diversity and humanity. Instead of having fixed ideas about ‘who we really are’, we can continue to surprise ourselves.