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Eternal light in the dark shadows of healthcare provider grief: An ode to hope

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  25 January 2024

Megan R. Schaefer Open the ORCID record for Megan R. Schaefer [Opens in a new window]
Megan R. Schaefer*
Affiliation:
Department of Pediatric Psychology, Nationwide Children’s Hospital, Columbus, OH, USA Department of Clinical Pediatrics, The Ohio State University, Columbus, OH, USA
*
Email: Megan.Schaefer@nationwidechildrens.org
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Abstract

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Type
Poetry
Information
Palliative & Supportive Care , First View , pp. 1 - 2
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Copyright
© The Author(s), 2024. Published by Cambridge University Press.

Hope
I cling to you in the darkest hours
When my face is soaked with tears
And my heart is heavy
There are times when I question my ability to continue a career serving children with serious illness
Watching them face awful and unfair circumstances
Incurable diseases that cheat them of the life they deserve
But when the doubt creeps in at night, you are the renewal in my heart, encouraging me to go on
You softly whisper, “You were made for this”

Hope
I cling to you in the darkest hours
When my face is soaked with tears
And my heart is heavy
I did not really know how to describe you until I met extraordinary children and families
I learned you are still possible even when the world is crashing down around me
I can hold on to you while still understanding this beautiful child only has a few more days left to live
You help me carry on and push through when nothing makes sense anymore
You make meaning and infuse me with strength when my cup is empty and I have nothing else left to give

Hope
I cling to you in the darkest hours
When my face is soaked with tears
And my heart is heavy
For my patients and families, there is so much I hope for.
That the tumor will be benign.
That the child will be cured.
That the child will grow up to graduate high school and live a long, happy life.

Hope
I cling to you in the darkest hours
When my face is soaked with tears
And my heart is heavy
You teach me that you evolve over time
When science says a cure is impossible, I hope for a miracle until that child takes their last breath
I hope for a world of no suffering and only comfort and peace for this sweet child
I hope the child knows and always remembers how loved they are and how they will never be forgotten

Hope
I cling to you in the darkest hours
When my face is soaked with tears
And my heart is heavy
You remind me the world is still a beautiful place even in the face of tragedy
You find ways to assure me that my patients’ legacies live on long after their death
I feel their presence when the sun shines, when a beautiful rainbow paints the sky, and when a butterfly lands on my hand
You soften my grief and make room for joy in my heart

Hope
I cling to you in the darkest hours
When my face is soaked with tears
And my heart is heavy
Because of you, there are less dark hours
Less tears and more smiles
A lighter heart filled with positive memories and gratitude for the beautiful souls who allowed me to care for them during their time on Earth
I rejoice in their memory
I vow to honor them in all that I do

Hope
You heal me
You put my heart back together when it is broken into a million pieces
Because of you, I can follow my calling
Thank you for being my eternal light in the dark shadows of grief
I have found my way and am whole again

Competing interest

None.