Happiness is both cultural and personal. Our culture penetrates our concepts, our language and ultimately even our experiences. Our upbringing, our education, the values of our religion or our community, our current economic system, our beliefs about human nature and the pathways to progress and prosperity, the advertising industry and the media tell us stories about ‘how to make it’, how to enjoy life and how not to. ‘Work hard’; ‘bring home the bacon’; ‘a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush’; ‘all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’; ‘eat, drink and be merry’; ‘lunch is for losers’; ‘keep smiling’; ‘finish everything on your plate’; ‘you should not finish everything on your plate’; ‘you can buy happiness’; ‘you cannot buy happiness, but you can buy a hair appointment and that's kind of the same thing’.

We learn how we are supposed to relate to joy and happiness: some forms are more acceptable and we are rewarded for them. For other forms, we pay with a sense of guilt or shame, or just numb ourselves to them. Some others are simply beyond the scope of our attention, as if we were blind to them.

Happiness is also personal, not simply in the sense that it is we who feel it, but in the sense of each of us has a subjective attitude to happiness, that we develop through our experiences and our aspirations. We make decisions about what kind of joy and happiness (or whatever we call the ‘good feeling’ we strive for) we pursue, and how.

These are existential decisions, very close to the core of our existence. Despite the gravity of these decisions, they are often not conscious, and this may not be to our benefit. It may be our strategy for striving for a good life which hinders us from becoming as happy, healthy and wise as we could potentially be.

As much as we have learnt how to seek pleasure, joy and happiness, we can also unlearn it gradually. Although our desires and strivings may feel hard wired into our gut feelings, they can actually be transformed. We can also learn to be more aware of our senses, feelings and thoughts.