In writing this book, I often approached anyone who I suspected might be related to the 1965 tragedy via email or Facebook. One of them was Usmantri Sukardi. After I introduced myself and told him about my family background, he immediately revealed that several members of his extended family had been victimised by Soeharto's regime. Although at first he was hesitant to share his story, in the end he said how relieved and also proud he was for having been able to tell the truth. When I asked whether I should use pseudonyms for him and his family, he said no: ‘We are proud of our names. Please write them down as they are and let people know what happened to us.’

Sometimes I do not feel like talking about anything related to the mass murder in 1965 at all, because it is still very painful for me. But I also think that the reality should not be forgotten and the history of my family has to be told, as it has had a big influence on my political views. Because of what happened to my parents, I have become different from most of the people here: I am interested in reading about socialism and about left thinkers. When my parents were studying socio-political science at Gadjah Mada University in Yogyakarta, they were already activists. My mother was also very active as a member of Gerwani, an organisation of progressive women.

But because of this, ibu was jailed in Salemba from 1965 to 1974 and bapak was sent to Buru Island. All of their diplomas and certificates were burnt by Soeharto's troops. When they arrested my mother, my grandfather fled with my uncle (my mother's younger brother, who was only seventeen years old then), as both of them were quite active in communist organisations as well. But we never knew what happened to them. Even now, our family has not found out. They simply disappeared.

Ibu was born in 1938 and bapak in 1941. They were married in 1962. My mother was arrested in Yudonegaran Street in Yogyakarta, and my father was arrested in Sosrowijayan, which is now famous as a tourist destination and as a place to stay for those who visit Yogya. When my mother was arrested, she was three months’ pregnant.