Hostname: page-component-77c89778f8-gvh9x Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2024-07-18T20:47:19.410Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

I Can But You Can't: Inconsistencies in Judgments of and Experiences With Infidelity

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  01 March 2016

Ashley E. Thompson*
Affiliation:
University of Wisconsin Oshkosh, Wisconsin, USA
Lucia F. O'Sullivan
Affiliation:
University of New Brunswick, New Brunswick, Canada
*
ADDRESS FOR CORRESPONDENCE: Ashley E. Thompson, University of Wisconsin Oshkosh, Department of Psychology, 800 Algoma Blvd., Oshkosh, Wisconsin 54901, USA. Email: thompsae@uwosh.edu
Get access

Abstract

Despite strong prohibition against infidelity and endorsement of exclusivity as a norm, many people report engaging in infidelity. The current study examined this paradox by employing a between-subject design using online surveys with 810 adults to assess actor-observer biases in the degree of permissiveness judging own versus partner's hypothetical behaviour, as well as hypocrisy in judgments of infidelity versus self-reported behaviour. Participants judged their own behaviour more permissively than their partner's, but only for emotional/affectionate and technology/online behaviours (not sexual/explicit or solitary behaviours). Many reported having engaged in behaviours that they judged to be infidelity, especially emotional/affectionate and technology/online infidelity behaviours. Sexual attitudes, age, and religion predicted inconsistencies in judgments of infidelity and self-reported behaviour (hypocrisy). This study has implications for educators and practitioners working with couples to improve communication and establish guidelines for appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.

Type
Research Article
Copyright
Copyright © The Author(s) 2016 

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

References

Abelson, R.P., Aronson, E., McGuire, W.J., Newcomb, T.M., Rosenberg, M.J., & Tannenbaum, P.H. (1968). Theories of cognitive consistency: A sourcebook. Chicago, IL: Rand McNally.Google Scholar
Allen, E.S., & Baucom, D.H. (2006). Dating, marital, and hypothetical extradyadic involvements: How do they compare? Journal of Sex Research, 43, 307317. doi:10.1080/0022449060955233 Google Scholar
Aronson, E., Fried, C., & Stone, J. (1991). Overcoming denial and increasing the intention to use condoms through the induction of hypocrisy. American Journal of Public Health, 81, 16361638. doi:10.2105/AJPH.81.12.1636 Google Scholar
Ashton, M.C., Lee, K., & Son, C. (2000). Honesty as the sixth factor of personality: Correlations with Machiavellianism, primary psychopathy, and social adroitness. European Journal of Personality, 14, 359368.3.0.CO;2-Y>CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Atkins, D.C., Baucom, D.H., & Jacobson, N.S. (2001). Understanding infidelity: Correlates in a national random sample. Journal of Family Psychology, 15, 735749. doi:10.1037//0893-3200.15.4.735 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Barden, J., Rucker, D.D., & Petty, R.E. (2005). ‘Saying one thing and doing another’: Examining the impact of event order on hypocrisy judgments of others. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31, 14631474. doi:10.1177/0146167205276430 CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Baumeister, R.F., Stillwell, A., & Wotman, S.R. (1990). Victim and perpetrator accounts of interpersonal conflict: autobiographical narratives about anger. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59, 9941005. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.59.5.994 CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Brand, R.J., Markey, C.M., Mills, A., & Hodges, S.D. (2007). Sex differences in self-reported infidelity and its correlates. Sex Roles, 57, 101109. doi:10.1007/s11199-007-9221-5 Google Scholar
Buhrmester, M., Kwang, T., & Gosling, S.D. (2011). Amazon's Mechanical Turk: A new source of inexpensive, yet high-quality, data? Perspectives on Psychological Science, 6, 35. doi: 10.1177/1745691610393980 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Burchell, J.L., & Ward, J. (2011). Sex drive, attachment style, relationship status and previous infidelity as predictors of sex differences in romantic jealousy. Personality and Individual Differences, 51, 657661. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2011.06.002 Google Scholar
Buss, D.M., Larsen, R.J., Westen, D., & Semmelroth, J. (1992). Sex differences in jealousy: Evolution, physiology, and psychology. Psychological Science, 3, 251255. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.1992.tb00038.x Google Scholar
Buunk, A.P., Solano, A.C., Zurriaga, R., & González, P. (2011). Gender differences in the jealousy-evoking effect of rival characteristics: A study in Spain and Argentina. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 42, 323339. doi: 10.1177/0022022111403664 Google Scholar
Cann, A., Mangum, J.L., & Wells, M. (2001). Distress in response to relationship infidelity: The roles of gender and attitudes about relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 38, 185190. doi: 10.1080/00224490109552087 Google Scholar
Casler, K., Bickel, L., & Hackett, E. (2013). Separate but equal? A comparison of participants and data gathered via Amazon's MTurk, social media, and face-to-face behavioural testing. Computers in Human Behaviour, 29, 21562160. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2013.05.009 Google Scholar
Cherlin, A.J. (2009). The marriage-go-round: The state of marriage and the family in America today. New York: Alfred A. Knopf.Google Scholar
Czaja, S.J., Charness, N., Fisk, A.D., Hertzog, C., Nair, S.N., Rogers, W.A., & Sharit, J. (2006). Factors predicting the use of technology: findings from the Center for Research and Education on Aging and Technology Enhancement (CREATE). Psychology and Aging, 21, 333352. doi:10.1037/0882-7974.21.2.333 Google Scholar
Feeney, J.A., & Hill, A. (2006). Victim-perpetrator differences in reports of hurtful events. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23, 587608. doi:10.1177/0265407506065985 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Palo Alto, CA: Stanford University Press.Google Scholar
Fielder, R.L., & Carey, M.P. (2010). Predictors and consequences of sexual ‘hookups’ among college students: A short-term prospective study. Archives of Sexual Behaviour, 39, 11051119. doi:10.1007/s10508-008-9448-4 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Fiedler, K., Semin, G.R., Finkenauer, C., & Berkel, I. (1995). Actor-observer bias in close relationships: The role of self-knowledge and self-related language. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 21, 525538. doi:10.1177/0146167295215010 Google Scholar
Foster, J.D., & Misra, T.A. (2013). It did not mean anything (about me) Cognitive dissonance theory and the cognitive and affective consequences of romantic infidelity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30, 835857. doi:10.1177/0265407512472324 Google Scholar
Garcia, J.R., Reiber, C., Massey, S.G., & Merriwether, A.M. (2012). Sexual hookup culture: A review. Review of General Psychology, 16, 161. doi:10.1037/a0027911 CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Glass, S.P. (2002). Couple therapy after the trauma of infidelity. In Gurman, A.S. & Jacobson, N.S. (Eds.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (3rd ed.) (pp. 488507). New York, NY: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
Green, M.C., & Sabini, J. (2006). Gender, socioeconomic status, age, and jealousy: Emotional responses to infidelity in a national sample. Emotion, 6, 330334. doi:10.1037/1528-3542.6.2.330 CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Hall, J.H., & Fincham, F.D. (2009). Psychological distress: Precursor or consequence of dating infidelity? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35, 143–59. doi:10.1177/0146167208327189 Google Scholar
Hansen, G.L. (1987). Extradyadic relations during courtship. Journal of Sex Research, 23, 382390.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Hendrick, C., Hendrick, S.S., & Reich, D.A. (2006). The Brief Sexual Attitudes Scale. Journal of Sex Research, 43, 7686. doi:10.1080/00224490609552301 CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Jones, E.E., & Nisbett, R.E. (1987). The actor and the observer: Divergent perceptions of the causes of behaviour. In Jones, E.E., Kanouse, D.E., Kelley, H.H., Nisbett, R.E., Valins, S., & Weiner, B. (Eds.), Attribution: Perceiving the causes of behaviour (pp. 7994). Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Kelley, H.H. (1972). Attribution in social interaction, In Jones, E.E., Kanouse, D.E., Kelley, H.H., Nisbett, R.E., Valins, S., & Weiner, B. (Eds.), Attribution: Perceiving the causes of behaviour (pp. 126), Morristown, NJ: General Learning Press.Google Scholar
Knox, D., Vail-Smith, K., & Zusman, M. (2008). ‘Men are dogs’: Is the stereotype justified? Data on the cheating college male. College Student Journal, 42, 10151022.Google Scholar
Kruger, D.J., Fisher, M.L., Edelstein, R.S., Chopik, W.J., Fitzgerald, C.J., & Strout, S.L. (2013). Was that cheating? Perceptions vary by sex, attachment anxiety, and behaviour. Evolutionary Psychology, 11, 159171.Google Scholar
Lammers, J., Stapel, D.A., & Galinsky, A.D. (2010). Power increases hypocrisy moralizing in reasoning, immorality in behaviour Psychological Science, 21, 737744. doi:10.1177/0956797610368810 Google Scholar
Malle, B.F. (2006). The actor-observer asymmetry in attribution: A (surprising) meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 132, 895919. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.132.6.895 Google Scholar
Mark, K.P., Janssen, E., & Milhausen, R.R. (2011). Infidelity in heterosexual couples: Demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex. Archives of Sexual Behaviour, 40, 971982. doi:10.1007/s10508-011-9771-z Google Scholar
Markus, H. (1977). Self-schemata and processing information about the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 35, 6378. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.35.2.63 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Martell, C.R., & Prince, S.E. (2005). Treating infidelity in same-sex couples. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 61, 14291438. doi:10.1002/jclp.20192 CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Martins, A., Pereira, M., Andrade, R., Dattilio, F.M., Narciso, I., & Canavarro, M.C. (2015). Infidelity in dating relationships: Gender-specific correlates of face-to-face and online extradyadic involvement. Archives of Sexual Behaviour. Advance online publication. doi:10.1007/s10508-015-0576-3 Google ScholarPubMed
Mason, W., & Suri, S. (2012). Conducting behavioural research on Amazon's Mechanical Turk. Behaviour Research Methods, 44, 123. doi: 10.3758/s13428-011-0124-6 Google Scholar
Mattingly, B.A., Wilson, K., Clark, E.M., Bequette, A.W., & Weidler, D.J. (2010). Foggy faithfulness: Relationship quality, religiosity, and the perceptions of dating infidelity scale in an adult sample. Journal of Family Issues, 31, 14651480. doi:10.1080/00224540903366750 Google Scholar
Miller, D.T., & Ross, M. (1975). Self-serving biases in the attribution of causality: Fact or fiction? Psychological Bulletin, 82, 213225. doi:10.1037/h0076486 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Nisbett, R.E., Caputo, C., Legant, P., & Marecek, J. (1973). Behaviour as seen by the actor and as seen by the observer. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 27, 154164. doi:10.1037/h0034779 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Overholser, J.C., & Moll, S.H. (1990). Who's to blame: Attributions regarding causality in spouse abuse. Behavioural Sciences and the Law, 8, 107120. doi:10.1080/03637759409376341 Google Scholar
Paul, E.L., McManus, B., & Hayes, A. (2000). ‘Hookups’: Characteristics and correlates of college students' spontaneous and anonymous sexual experiences. Journal of Sex Research, 37, 7688. doi:10.1080/00224490009552023 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Randall, H.E., & Byers, E. (2003). What is sex? Students’ definitions of having sex, sexual partner, and unfaithful sexual behaviour. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 12, 8796.Google Scholar
Russell, E.B., & Harton, H.C. (2005). The ‘other factors’: Using individual and relationship characteristics to predict sexual and emotional jealousy. Current Psychology, 24, 242257. doi:10.1007/s12144-005-1026-5 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Sagarin, B.J., Becker, D.V., Guadagno, R.E., Nicastle, L.D., & Millevoi, A. (2003). Sex differences (and similarities) in jealousy: The moderating influence of infidelity experience and sexual orientation of the infidelity. Evolution and Human Behaviour, 24, 1723. doi:10.1016/S1090-5138(02)00106-X Google Scholar
Sande, G.N., Goethals, G.R., & Radloff, C.E. (1988). Perceiving one's own traits and others’: The multifaceted self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54, 1320. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.54.1.13 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Schmitt, D.P. (2004). The Big Five related to risky sexual behaviour across 10 world regions: Differential personality associations of sexual promiscuity and relationship infidelity. European Journal of Personality, 18, 301319. doi:10.1002/per.520 Google Scholar
Shackelford, T.K., LeBlanc, G.J., & Drass, E. (2000). Emotional reactions to infidelity. Cognition and Emotion, 14, 643659. doi:10.1080/02699930050117657 Google Scholar
Sharpe, D.I., Walters, A.S., & Goren, M.J. (2013). Effect of cheating experience on attitudes toward infidelity. Sexuality and Culture, 17, 116. doi:10.1007/s12119-013-9169-2 Google Scholar
Shome, A., & Rao, H. (2009). Machiavellianism in public accountants: Some additional Canadian evidence. Business Ethics: A European Review, 18, 364371. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8608.2009.01569.x CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Sillars, A.L. (1980). Attributions and communication in roommate conflicts. Communication Monographs, 47, 180200. doi:10.1080/03637758009376031 Google Scholar
Spanier, G.B., & Margolis, R.L. (1983). Marital separation and extramarital sexual behaviour. Journal of Sex Research, 19, 2348. doi:10.1080/00224498309551167 Google Scholar
Stone, J., & Fernandez, N.C. (2008). To practice what we preach: The use of hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance to motivate behaviour change. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 2, 10241051. doi:10.1111/j.1751-9004.2008.00088.x CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Stone, J., Aronson, E., Crain, A.L., Winslow, M.P., & Fried, C.B. (1994). Inducing hypocrisy as a means of encouraging young adults to use condoms. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 20, 116128. doi:10.1177/0146167294201012 Google Scholar
Storms, M. (1973). Videotape and the attribution process: Reversing actors’ and observers’ points of view. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 27, 165175. doi:10.1037/h0034782 CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Tabachnick, B.G., & Fidell, L.S. (2013). Using multivariate statistics (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Pearson.Google Scholar
Thompson, A.E., & O'Sullivan, L.F. (2015). Drawing the line: The development of a comprehensive assessment of infidelity judgments. Journal of Sex Research. Advance online publication. doi:10.1080/00224499.2015.1062840 Google Scholar
Treas, J., & Giesen, D. (2000). Sexual infidelity among married and cohabiting Americans. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62, 4860. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00048.x CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Treger, S., & Sprecher, S. (2011). The influences of sociosexuality and attachment style on reactions to emotional versus sexual infidelity. Journal of Sex Research, 48, 413422. doi:10.1080/00224499.2010.516845 Google Scholar
Van Volkom, M., Stapley, J.C., & Malter, J. (2013). Use and perception of technology: Sex and generational differences in a community sample. Educational Gerontology, 39, 729740. doi:10.1080/03601277.2012.756322 Google Scholar
Vangelisti, A.L. (1992). Communication problems in committed relationships: An attributional analysis. Dissertation Abstracts International, 50, 144164.Google Scholar
Vaughn Becker, D., Sagarin, B.J., Guadagno, R.E., Millevoi, A., & Nicastle, L.D. (2004). When the sexes need not differ: Emotional responses to the sexual and emotional aspects of infidelity. Personal Relationships, 11, 529538. doi: 10.1111/j.1475-6811.2004.00096.x Google Scholar
Vinski, E.J., & Tryon, G.S. (2009). Study of a cognitive dissonance intervention to address high school students’ cheating attitudes and behaviours. Ethics and Behaviour, 19, 218226. doi:10.1080/10508420902886692 Google Scholar
Watkins, S.J., & Boon, S.D. (2015). Expectations regarding partner fidelity in dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Advance online publication. doi:10.1177/0265407515574463 Google Scholar
Whisman, M.A., Gordon, K., & Chatav, Y. (2007). Predicting sexual infidelity in a population based sample of married individuals. Journal of Family Psychology, 21, 320324. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.320 Google Scholar
Whitley, B.E., & Keith-Spiegel, P. (2001). Academic integrity as an institutional issue. Ethics and Behaviour, 11, 325342. doi:10.1207/S15327019EB1103_9 CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Whitty, M.T. (2003). Pushing the wrong buttons: Men's and women's attitudes towards online and offline infidelity. CyberPsychology and Behaviour, 6, 569579. doi:10.1089/109493103322725342 Google Scholar
Wiederman, M.W. (1997). Extramarital sex: Prevalence and correlates in a national survey. Journal of Sex Research, 34, 167174. doi:10.1080/00224499709551881 Google Scholar
Wilson, K., Mattingly, B.A., Clark, E.M., Weidler, D.J., & Bequette, A.W. (2011). The gray area: Exploring attitudes toward infidelity and the development of the perceptions of dating infidelity scale. Journal of Social Psychology, 151, 6386. doi:10.1080/00224540903366750 CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Wollschleger, J., & Beach, L. (2011). A cucumber for a cow: A theoretical exploration of the causes and consequences of religious hypocrisy. Rationality and Society, 23, 155174. doi:10.1177/1043463111404673 Google Scholar
Wollschleger, J., & Beach, L.R. (2013). Religious chameleons: Exploring the social context for belonging without believing. Rationality and Society, 25, 178197. doi:10.1177/1043463112473794 Google Scholar
Yousaf, O., & Gobet, F. (2013). The emotional and attitudinal consequences of religious hypocrisy: Experimental evidence using a cognitive dissonance paradigm. The Journal Of Social Psychology, 153, 667686. doi:10.1080/00224545.2013.814620 Google Scholar