Every man needs someone to talk with, as I have already said. Talking with someone else about your problems actually helps. I believe that.

More than talking, though, we all need to learn to listen more, because hearing what others have to say helps. The people we need to listen to are the women in our lives, family, friends, girlfriends, colleagues. Hearing them helps us build our relationships with them. Listening carefully is the most articulate act of love in action. I believe that even more. To listen is something I work on because, even at my best, I still catch my attention drifting even though I want to listen. That indicates that I am not fully present. It means I am likely to misunderstand. So, I know, learning to listen fully takes practice.

I know I have said something earlier about learning how to talk. Here I will say just one more thing. I find that it helps me see matters more clearly if I talk with someone. It helps me clarify what I think. Sometimes I find that I have a better grasp of my own feelings if I speak about them. I may have thought what an interaction generated in me were feelings of being upset, but during the back and forth of conversation I come to understand that what I was feeling was anxiety. I get perspective by hearing another perspective. I make sense of things in the world around me but also of what is going on inside me.

Actually, when I slow down my thinking, I find that it helps me see more clearly, even if all I am doing is listening to the other person talk. When I take time to turn things around in my mind, as you would do when you have roosterbroodjies on the braai and turn them round and round, I appreciate the different sides of what’s cooking.

A curious thing I have found about listening to another person is that my mind makes connections that go far beyond the topic being discussed. I have a feeling that this happens to all of us.