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three - Grandparents’ relationships with grandchildren: continuity and change

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  20 January 2022

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Summary

A changing relationship

In Chapter Two, we discussed some of the factors that previous studies have indicated influence the nature of grandparents’ relationships with their grandchildren. In this chapter, we ask: ‘What importance do grandchildren attach to their relationship with their grandparents and how might these relationships be affected by divorce? And, ‘is there evidence of continuity in the grandparent–grandchild relationship in divorced families as well as evidence of change as the result of family break-up?’.

Grandparent’s relationships with their grandchildren

The studies reviewed in Chapter Two made it clear that grandparent age is related to the frequency of grandparents’ contact with their grandchildren and that older grandchildren have less contact with their grandparents. But does this mean that they are not as emotionally close to their grandparents? Here, we begin by considering the views of some teenage grandchildren and their feelings about their grandparents. They reported that they have close relationships with their grandparents, but this assertion was often accompanied by apparently contradictory evidence of a growing emotional distance. Being ‘close to grandparents’ could mean seeing them regularly, enjoying their company, sharing intimacies and expressing affection. However, we discovered that the phrase need not imply anything about frequency of contact and was used on occasion to mean ‘nurturing positive feelings’. Evidence from divorced parents suggested that older grandchildren saw their grandparents less frequently than their younger brothers and sisters. Mothers, we discovered, occasionally reminded their children that they had not seen their grandparents for some time and persuaded them to accompany them on a visit to their grandparents’ home. They reported a gradual reduction in their children’s contact with their grandparents. Most felt that this did not mean that relationships could no longer be described as ‘close’ or that grandchildren and grandparents felt less affection for each other. It was, in parents’ opinions, understandable that the relationship should change.

Alfie’s mother had been separated for two years before her decree nisi was granted over four years ago. She had a particularly close relationship with her parents who lived about a mile away and had been very supportive of her and her three children, aged 12, 16 and 18. She commented that the maternal grandparents’ ‘unconditional love’ had taught her a lot about bringing up her own children.

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Publisher: Bristol University Press
Print publication year: 2004

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