Sketch 1

WORLD CUP AMBASSADOR, HAYI BUTI

The character is HAYI BUTI, an ambassador for the 2010 World Cup to be staged in South Africa. Actor wears a Madiba shirt.

HAYI BUTI [in upbeat, gung-ho tone]: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for inviting me to address this prestigious dinner in my capacity as the ambassador for the first Football World Cup to be held in Africa. My name is Hayi Buti and I was appointed to my present job by the current president of Mbekistan. For those of you not familiar with African geography, Mbekistan is a breakaway homeland in South Africa, just south of Polokwane. The national diet is humble pie and beetroot, and it gets its water from the deep river of De Nial.

Before taking up this post, I served as a quiet diplomat in Zimbabwe. Maybe that's why you haven't heard of me? I’m proud to say that because of our efforts, we’ve been able to make the Zimbabwe Ruins accessible across the whole country.

My job in Europe is to put to rest any doubting Thomases, Dickses and Harryses who are unsure about Africa's ability to host the Cup. There are some who still think of Africa as the dark continent. And I know this perception is reinforced by Eskom. But on behalf of our beloved president, I would like to share a poem by a famous African poet, William Bleke:

You will notice that I speak of the African World Cup. Not the 2010 World Cup. Nor the 2012 World Cup. Not even the 2015 World Cup. For we refuse to be bulldozed by colonial notions of ‘time’.

What I would like to say to any doubters out there is simple: look at our record. Our country has already won a 2010 World Cup. [Proudly.] It was last year in France that our Springboks won the Rugby World Cup, on the 20th of October, the 20th of the tenth month. You have your 9/11. We have our 20/10.

Lights fade. The screen explodes into life with some stunning football skills and goals by African soccer players. It plays against the background of a funky soundtrack of African music.