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Maybe I Don't Belong Here: A Memoir of Race, Identity, Breakdown and Recovery By David Harewood. Bluebird. 2022. £9.99 (pb). 256 pp. ISBN 9781529064179

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Maybe I Don't Belong Here: A Memoir of Race, Identity, Breakdown and Recovery By David Harewood. Bluebird. 2022. £9.99 (pb). 256 pp. ISBN 9781529064179

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  10 July 2023

Femi Oyebode*
Affiliation:
Department of Psychiatry, University of Birmingham, Birmingham, UK. Email: femi_oyebode@msn.com
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Abstract

Type
Book Review
Copyright
Copyright © The Author(s), 2023. Published by Cambridge University Press on behalf of the Royal College of Psychiatrists

David Harewood's book is revelatory. It deals with aspects of brutal and inexplicable racism that is rarely discussed but that is devastating in its consequences. It is explicit and direct in its descriptions of severe mental illness, the influence on behaviour, thinking and the experience of reality. Then it proceeds to draw a link between racism and mental illness, highlighting the way alienation and disrupted identity contribute at least to the content of psychosis, if not to the actual causation.

He writes, ‘When I was seven years old, matters became irrevocably clear. It was an incident I'll never forget for it created a rupture that lasts until this very day. Playing alone outside my house one day, I noticed an older, white gentleman walking towards me from across the road. He wasn't charging at me so I didn't feel danger, but I could tell it was a purposeful walk. I stopped what I was doing and watched as he got closer. When he was finally within arm's length, his face a picture of hatred and anger, he leaned in towards me and said: “Get the fuck out of my country, you little Black bastard!”’. If there is anyone still out there who disbelieves the reality of brazen and malevolent racism, David Harewood's experience should put an end to that.

Harewood had just completed his drama training at RADA and was embarking on his career as an actor when he had his episode of psychosis. It occurred in the context of the use of cannabis and alcohol. He developed grandiose beliefs, believing that he could do anything and that he was a genius with supernatural powers. He believed that he was disappearing and invisible. And he experienced visual and command hallucinations. He concludes, ‘Psychosis left me a shell, unable to comprehend the world around me, with no ability to focus or remember anything’. The current tendency to see all mental illness as mere distress does a great disservice to the profoundly disturbing and potentially fatal consequences of Harewood's experiences.

Encounters with psychiatrists were less than ideal. The first clinical interview ended with the psychiatrist saying ‘He just thinks he's Lenny Henry’. These encounters compared poorly with the kindness of absolute strangers. He did not receive any diagnosis or explanation about what was happening to him. It was only during the making of the documentary David Harewood: Psychosis and Me that Erin Turner and Rowena Jones, both psychiatrists, gave information and explanations.

Harewood's book ought to be widely read, particularly by psychiatrists who want to know how the social and cultural conditions in Britain contribute to the adverse milieu that is itself both the setting for psychosis as well as a probable cause.

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