Traumatised children can be easily dysregulated by relational dynamics. These children often experience the sequential or simultaneous stimulation of attachment and defence characteristic of disorganised/disoriented attachment patterns. Expressing their relational needs for proximity and distance can be fraught with conflict, confusion, frustration and fear. Parents/care-givers are often baffled about how to balance boundaries and limit setting with closeness and proximity in a way that is effective for themselves and their children. Additionally, parents/care-givers themselves may have histories of trauma and attachment failure that impair their own ability to balance closeness and distance. Both proximity seeking or closeness and defense or boundary setting actions are organized by innate, psychobiological systems of attachment and defense, and for parents/caregivers, the caregiving system as well. Each action system has to meet particular goals to achieve proximity to and security with a trusted other (attachment system); to defend and protect when needed (defence systems) and to protect and care for offspring (care-giving system). The legacy of trauma and attachment failure, with their consequential neuropsychological deficits, can constrain and disrupt adaptive responses to the arousal of these three systems. This paper clarifies the inborn systems that drive actions of proximity and distance. A case study will explore the interactions of these systems in child/care-giver therapy. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy will be described and somatic relational techniques will be illustrated to address proximity and defence/boundaries in the context of child therapy and care-giver/child therapy.