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13 - Haven in a Heartless World? Hurt Feelings in the Family

from PART IV - HURT IN RELATIONAL CONTEXTS

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  04 August 2010

By
Rosemary S. L. Mills  and
Caroline C. Piotrowski
Edited by
Anita L. Vangelisti
Anita L. Vangelisti
Affiliation:
University of Texas, Austin
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Summary

Hurt feelings are ubiquitous in family relationships. The emotional investment that family members make in one another typically is intense and matched only by the emotional vulnerability it involves. In the ups and downs of daily life, irritation and conflict are frequent occurrences, and vulnerability heightens the potential for bruised feelings and sometimes agonizing emotional pain. Mothers of preschoolers experience an aversive event every few minutes, with major conflicts occurring as often as three times in an hour (Patterson, 1980), and although the rates decline with older children it is safe to say that parent–child interaction is rife with hurt feelings. Aversive interactions between young siblings may be even more frequent (Martin & Ross, 1996, 2005; Patterson, 1980). Aversive experiences that occur with such frequency must have a significant impact on the developing child, and a basic premise of research on children's relationships is that they are key learning experiences about self and social relationships and hence an important risk factor for development in these domains. Understanding the precise nature of these learning experiences has been a major aim of research on children's relationships with their parents and siblings. Our purpose in this chapter is to review research relevant to understanding the nature of these learning experiences and their effects on development.

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Feeling Hurt in Close Relationships , pp. 260 - 287
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2009

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