So far we have mapped out some basic issues. We know about the identities of perpetrators and victims. We also know what the commonplace forms of incivility look like. We have found out where and when and even why many encounters with rude strangers take place. In this chapter things become a little more complex. As we explained at the outset, this book is a study of encounters between two people. Here we look at how these meetings unfold over time. We focus on two important questions: just how do people feel when they encounter the rude stranger? What, if anything, do they do to remedy the situation?

Emotions and incivility

The existing literature suggests that we already know the answer to both these questions. Writing back in the early 1970s the famous symbolic interactionist Erving Goffman (1971) established the template with his work Relations in Public. Here the life of city dwellers is described as one revolving around suspicion and mistrust. As they navigate urban spaces they scan for dangers, constantly on guard and feeling unease. The emotions of fear and anxiety are barely suppressed and the encounter with the incivil other is traumatizing. Individuals develop action strategies of retreat and avoidance. This vision has been amplified more recently in the critical sociology of Zygmunt Bauman (2003), who identifies ‘mixophobic’ sentiments in the metropolis and suggests that social life is organized such that individuals avoid encounters with difference and risk as they move between secure bubbles dotted around the city: the home in a gated community, the mall, the country club, the office.